For whatever reason, probably disappointment, I've had a hard time finding the words to actually finish this blog entry.  Friday was 'the day' and for the last two weeks I was anxiously awaiting Friday with excitement and dread.  I find it amusing that for the first half of my cycle I'm so optimistic and positive-- upbeat even-- then for the rest of my cycle I'm a mess of nerves and doubt.

This cycle was a little different because I had to use progesterone supplements which gave me some side effects I wasn't expecting, which made me wonder-- 'am I?'  But by Friday I had basically decided that I was not.  And man, I hate being right all the time.

And I wasn't even that shocked on Friday morning.  Sometimes I think I handle this infertility issue too well.  But I was proud of myself for getting up the courage to pee on the dreaded pee stick that morning and not putting it off a moment longer, like I really wanted to.

I was like, "Emily, go ahead and just do it.  If it is positive then you can call and get a blood test.  If it is negative then you can call and get a follow up appointment with  Dr. Meyer.  Man up!"

It was the adult thing to do really.  So Friday morning I peed on the stick.  I was so sleepy that I almost forgot about the whole pee stick thing.  I did my business, christened the stick and went back to bed.  Eventually I went and checked the window.  Negative.

Damn. 

I went back to bed.  At work, I called the RE's office and talked to the receptionist.  The receptionist also works at the bridal boutique where I bought my wedding dress and happens to be the lady that helped me find my dress... I find it comforting that she is present at all my adult milestones.

So the Husband and I have a follow-up appointment in less than two weeks with Dr. Meyer.  I'm expecting him to push for more intensive interventions and more testing.  I recently had an HSG test which came up clear, except that my uterus is basically upside down... and even though I was concerned and thought that that was unique, apparently it is no big deal.  In fact, everything is 'good under the hood.'

I'm not sure what is next, but I'm hopeful and I'm filled with nervous excitement, strangely enough, over what we will find out.  In the meantime, I'm going to take some time to enjoy all the things that there is to enjoy!