I turned 29 on the 29th and that got me thinking... a new year, a new attitude, and with plenty of things to look forward to in the coming 365 days
Here's to...
1. Decorating our new house
2. Good healthy food
3. Daily prayer, written in my journal
4. Business ventures with my friend Olivia
5. Business ventures with the Husband
6. Learning to love yard work!
7. Making time for friends
8. Professional Wedding Direction
9. Creative outlets
10. Organization at work
11. Organization at home
12. Acupuncture
13. Spending time with family
14. Spending time with the Husband in our new house!
15. Positive thinking
16. Learning to say No and meaning it!
17. Taking time to just enjoy life
18. Learning to use my new Cricut machine
19. Saving money
20. Good conversation
21. Eating in (increasing my cooking menu)
22. Exercising
23. Less stress
24. Learning to sew
25. Convincing the Husband to let me plan his 30th birthday party
26. Planning my Very Scary 30th Birthday party for next year!
27. Trying new things
28. Working on a the Baby project 2012
29. Finding time for the important things!
Sounds like I've got quiet a year ahead of me... I hope that each of you has something special in mind for your year!
Monday, October 31, 2011
Thursday, October 27, 2011
For whatever reason, probably disappointment, I've had a hard time finding the words to actually finish this blog entry. Friday was 'the day' and for the last two weeks I was anxiously awaiting Friday with excitement and dread. I find it amusing that for the first half of my cycle I'm so optimistic and positive-- upbeat even-- then for the rest of my cycle I'm a mess of nerves and doubt.
This cycle was a little different because I had to use progesterone supplements which gave me some side effects I wasn't expecting, which made me wonder-- 'am I?' But by Friday I had basically decided that I was not. And man, I hate being right all the time.
And I wasn't even that shocked on Friday morning. Sometimes I think I handle this infertility issue too well. But I was proud of myself for getting up the courage to pee on the dreaded pee stick that morning and not putting it off a moment longer, like I really wanted to.
I was like, "Emily, go ahead and just do it. If it is positive then you can call and get a blood test. If it is negative then you can call and get a follow up appointment with Dr. Meyer. Man up!"
It was the adult thing to do really. So Friday morning I peed on the stick. I was so sleepy that I almost forgot about the whole pee stick thing. I did my business, christened the stick and went back to bed. Eventually I went and checked the window. Negative.
Damn.
I went back to bed. At work, I called the RE's office and talked to the receptionist. The receptionist also works at the bridal boutique where I bought my wedding dress and happens to be the lady that helped me find my dress... I find it comforting that she is present at all my adult milestones.
So the Husband and I have a follow-up appointment in less than two weeks with Dr. Meyer. I'm expecting him to push for more intensive interventions and more testing. I recently had an HSG test which came up clear, except that my uterus is basically upside down... and even though I was concerned and thought that that was unique, apparently it is no big deal. In fact, everything is 'good under the hood.'
I'm not sure what is next, but I'm hopeful and I'm filled with nervous excitement, strangely enough, over what we will find out. In the meantime, I'm going to take some time to enjoy all the things that there is to enjoy!
This cycle was a little different because I had to use progesterone supplements which gave me some side effects I wasn't expecting, which made me wonder-- 'am I?' But by Friday I had basically decided that I was not. And man, I hate being right all the time.
And I wasn't even that shocked on Friday morning. Sometimes I think I handle this infertility issue too well. But I was proud of myself for getting up the courage to pee on the dreaded pee stick that morning and not putting it off a moment longer, like I really wanted to.
I was like, "Emily, go ahead and just do it. If it is positive then you can call and get a blood test. If it is negative then you can call and get a follow up appointment with Dr. Meyer. Man up!"
It was the adult thing to do really. So Friday morning I peed on the stick. I was so sleepy that I almost forgot about the whole pee stick thing. I did my business, christened the stick and went back to bed. Eventually I went and checked the window. Negative.
Damn.
I went back to bed. At work, I called the RE's office and talked to the receptionist. The receptionist also works at the bridal boutique where I bought my wedding dress and happens to be the lady that helped me find my dress... I find it comforting that she is present at all my adult milestones.
So the Husband and I have a follow-up appointment in less than two weeks with Dr. Meyer. I'm expecting him to push for more intensive interventions and more testing. I recently had an HSG test which came up clear, except that my uterus is basically upside down... and even though I was concerned and thought that that was unique, apparently it is no big deal. In fact, everything is 'good under the hood.'
I'm not sure what is next, but I'm hopeful and I'm filled with nervous excitement, strangely enough, over what we will find out. In the meantime, I'm going to take some time to enjoy all the things that there is to enjoy!
Monday, October 3, 2011
Talking to God and Good Friends...
Lately, well for the longest time... I've found it hard to pray. I used to be so good at it. I'd get all comfy in my bed and start my long rambling dialogue with God... in my head of course. But then I got all happy and all the fear that seemed to drive a lot of my prayers back then went away and my nightly dialogue became less of a nightly occurrence. And pretty soon, when I'd get all comfy and ready to start my nightly dialogue... I'd find myself distracted or too sleepy or it would be just too hard. Quieting my mind became a hard thing to do. To focus. To pray.
In one of my many conversations with my dear friend Olivia she mentioned that she kept a prayer journal. Great idea! As most of her ideas are. She pointed out that keeping this journal was a good way to reflect on how God works in our lives. I loved that idea... I so desperately want a better relationship with God and His Son... and I know that prayer is the best way to facilitate that relationship.
For some time now I've felt that God was sort of like a relative that I loved dearly but never saw and rarely missed... someone I took for granted. God was there... and if I ever needed Him, I'd know where to find Him. And that is the great thing about God. He is there when you need Him... but lately I've started to see that I need Him everyday, not just when I'm in crisis... or upset... or comfy.
So I took my dear friends' idea and started to write a daily letter to God. I've got to be honest... some days my letter doesn't happen. But most of the time it does. And the amazing thing is, I feel myself letting my faith grow. My worries are less... and even though I still have my worries, my fears-- that I'll never get pregnant or that my eggs are bad or that I'm just not good enough at anything I do-- I'm learning to put those fears and worries with the Lord and going on about my day. The crazy part is, I'm thinking those thoughts less and less... I find myself trying to hear that quiet voice... I'm looking for the deeper meaning in the world around me. I'm learning to appreciate all the many blessings I have been blessed with... and I'm learning to be patient for the blessing yet to come.
My faith is growing and moreover I hope that my relationships-- heavenly and earthbound-- are growing too.
I feel myself becoming more... more responsible... more organized... just more. On Sunday, another dear friend, Cherish sent me an email. She had me on her mind. I had a test run on Friday at my RE's office-- an HSG test. I had talked to her, earlier in the week about my fears that something might be wrong with me. My worries over not getting pregnant. My fear that this test would hurt (it did, a little). On Sunday she sent me an email of encouragement...an email about happiness. The kind of happiness that is deep and lasting... even when things aren't going specifically our way. She pointed out and reminded me that this trial was only strengthening my relationship with my husband, taking my marriage to a deeper level and moreover, strengthening my relationship with God. It was a reminder to pray. A reminder to have faith. To be positive.
Thank God for people like Cherish. Thank goodness God sees fit to send messages through people like Cherish. Sometimes it just feels so good to have people in your life that know exactly what to say when you need to hear it the most. And in my mind this was just another way God is sending me a message... have faith. Be patient.
I hear the words that have been spoken to me over and over during my childhood-- "good things come to those who wait."
In the meantime, I'm praying. I'm putting the worry and the doubt in God's capable hands and I'm living my life and trying to enjoy the blessing that are all around me... right now! Each morning, that I can, I'm writing my letters to God and looking for the meaning in my days and nights.
As I conclude this entry, I find myself overwhelmed. Overwhelmed and content... and hopeful.
In one of my many conversations with my dear friend Olivia she mentioned that she kept a prayer journal. Great idea! As most of her ideas are. She pointed out that keeping this journal was a good way to reflect on how God works in our lives. I loved that idea... I so desperately want a better relationship with God and His Son... and I know that prayer is the best way to facilitate that relationship.
For some time now I've felt that God was sort of like a relative that I loved dearly but never saw and rarely missed... someone I took for granted. God was there... and if I ever needed Him, I'd know where to find Him. And that is the great thing about God. He is there when you need Him... but lately I've started to see that I need Him everyday, not just when I'm in crisis... or upset... or comfy.
So I took my dear friends' idea and started to write a daily letter to God. I've got to be honest... some days my letter doesn't happen. But most of the time it does. And the amazing thing is, I feel myself letting my faith grow. My worries are less... and even though I still have my worries, my fears-- that I'll never get pregnant or that my eggs are bad or that I'm just not good enough at anything I do-- I'm learning to put those fears and worries with the Lord and going on about my day. The crazy part is, I'm thinking those thoughts less and less... I find myself trying to hear that quiet voice... I'm looking for the deeper meaning in the world around me. I'm learning to appreciate all the many blessings I have been blessed with... and I'm learning to be patient for the blessing yet to come.
My faith is growing and moreover I hope that my relationships-- heavenly and earthbound-- are growing too.
I feel myself becoming more... more responsible... more organized... just more. On Sunday, another dear friend, Cherish sent me an email. She had me on her mind. I had a test run on Friday at my RE's office-- an HSG test. I had talked to her, earlier in the week about my fears that something might be wrong with me. My worries over not getting pregnant. My fear that this test would hurt (it did, a little). On Sunday she sent me an email of encouragement...an email about happiness. The kind of happiness that is deep and lasting... even when things aren't going specifically our way. She pointed out and reminded me that this trial was only strengthening my relationship with my husband, taking my marriage to a deeper level and moreover, strengthening my relationship with God. It was a reminder to pray. A reminder to have faith. To be positive.
Thank God for people like Cherish. Thank goodness God sees fit to send messages through people like Cherish. Sometimes it just feels so good to have people in your life that know exactly what to say when you need to hear it the most. And in my mind this was just another way God is sending me a message... have faith. Be patient.
I hear the words that have been spoken to me over and over during my childhood-- "good things come to those who wait."
In the meantime, I'm praying. I'm putting the worry and the doubt in God's capable hands and I'm living my life and trying to enjoy the blessing that are all around me... right now! Each morning, that I can, I'm writing my letters to God and looking for the meaning in my days and nights.
As I conclude this entry, I find myself overwhelmed. Overwhelmed and content... and hopeful.
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