The Last Little Bit...

I should be sleeping... considering that is nearly 3:30am and I've been up since 6:30 this morning.  But I did take a short nap somewhere in the hour of 7 o'clock this afternoon.  But still, all week I've been exhausted because much of my job has consisted on sitting around watching students take their end-of-year exams.  A very boring job it is indeed.  And being so mind-numbingly boring all I've been able to do lately is sleep-- except now.

I think it has something to do with the fact that after supper I came home to start watching a movie called "Towelhead."  It's not what you think.  It was filmed in 2007 and is based off a book by the same name.  Basically it is a coming of age story set in the early 1990's in a suburb in Texas, about a girl of middle eastern decent that is sent to live with her strict father.  It is one of those movies that deals with pretty heavy content and after you finish watching it you want to get a shower because you feel so utterly dirty for watching it.  The worst part is-- during the last 15 minutes-- just as a resolution seemed to be building, and I was gladly hoping for a happy resolution, a storm came up and knocked out the TV.

So I invested almost two hours of my life watching this horrible movie and I didn't get to see the last little bit-- the bit I was counting on to make me feel a little bit better about spending my night watching this movie.

Now, everytime I close my eyes I think back to all the terrible things I saw in that movie.  Frankly it scares me to think that this sort of story could actually occur and that other 13 year old girls have experienced the same sort of thing.  Obviously this girl was experiencing the normal changes associated with puberty but then to be taken advantage of countless times by most of the adult figures in her life-- it was just more than I could bare.

So I'm on line looking at happy things-- like marriage photography pages of local photographers-- and handmade items on Etsy.com

Exciting News on the Homefront...

So after waiting, patiently-- I might add, our house lot is finally double-wide free!  I really felt awful about making the man that lived on our lot leave... but like the Hubster said, "he knew from the time that he bought that double-wide that he'd have to move it off eventually."  And 18 years later, he did.

But I can't help but feel a little horrible about it, especially when I was at the Dollar General (DG) last week trying to buy some painkillers for me and some candy for the kids I'd be testing the following day. While I was looking for my headache medicine, I over heard the man we made move grumbling to the cashier about how much trouble it had been.  He was quick to say that he didn't really have a choice-- it wasn't his land.

But the good news is that the lot is cleared.  I'd post a picture, but seeing how I just remembered to take my picture-taking device home from the office-- I've just not had time to document the occassion.

Maybe soon.

Tan Fat vs. Pale Fat (we already know the answer)...

I'm on a fittness kick these days.  Every year, about this time, I get on a fittness kick.  Maybe it is the Victoria Secret's Swimsuit catalogs that keep appearing in my mailbox... or that my metabolism has slowed since I was in high school... it could be that I stopped tanning in the tanning bed a few years ago-- and we all know, tan fat is better than pale fat anyday... and since I'm a big white mess, I guess I can't stand to look at it and love it anymore.

Oh, for the days of care-free fun and high self-esteem!  I recall days, back when I was in my early (cocky) college years, when the then-boyfriend-now-Hubster and I would go down to the beach in July for a couple of days.  I'd wear my string black two piece and I would be tanned all over from going to the tanning bed.  I'd start going to the tanning bed in early January... you know to make sure I was good and dark... didn't everybody?  And you couldn't tell me shit.  I wasn't in perfect shape, but I remember coming home from those beach vacations and telling the then-boyfriend-now-Hubster how bad everyone looked and how good I felt about how decent I looked and how lucky he was to have me.  The nerve... the gall.  How dare me!

And then I got a pre-cancerous mole on my very special private parts and that ended my love affair with the tanning bed.

I miss those days... living it up in the tanning bed... eating junk all day long and never gaining an inch... laughing, secretly, at my roommates when they wanted to run!  Run!  Exercise?  Sweat-- no way!  And now... I can't seem to get enough work into my workouts.

Most days I walk two miles outside.  That is my base.  I've even cut out Nacho cheese flavored chips for Wheat Thins and sometimes hummus, if I'm feeling extra dangerous.

My goal is to look like my college self-except not as tan.  I'd really like to look better than my college-self... I think I'm more motivated than I've ever been.  I'm even thinking about taking up running.  And I hate to run.

By the way-- this is completely unrelated, but I can hear the TV from our office/guest bedroom...  Who are these "Pretty Wild" chicks on the E! network and how did they get a show?  What makes them so damned special and when am I going to get my own reality show?  I'm just as interesting and rarely cry as much as these girls seem to.

I'm not saying, I'm just saying is all...

But seriously, I think to make myself stick with my fittness kick, I need to set a goal.  So while I'm working on my goal and maybe building back my self-esteem... I'd like to leave you will a little life lesson.

In February my school focused on Fairness... and rightfully so, because school is the only place where fair matters.  The world doesn't care if you don't get an extra cupcake or if you don't get a piece of candy.  The world doesn't care that some people have money and you don't.  The world doesn't care that your neighbor gets a new car and you are still driving the same Honda Civic that you've always drove.

The world doesn't care.  If the world cared and, for that matter, was fair... I'd have my cousin Annah's genes.  I'd have the flat stomach and naturally tanned skin.  If the world was fair I'd look better than I did 5 years ago or 10 years ago.  So as the Hubster becomes better looking, I have to spend a little extra time in front of the mirror just before bed, applying lotions and potions to keep my youthful 'glow'.

So life's not fair... and to make matters worse, we all know that tan fat is better than pale fat, anyday.

Being Sick Sucks...

Yes... I said sucks.  My mother hates it when my sister or I--for that matter, anyone--utters the word sucks.  I'm sure she'd have reservations about me saying it on Sunday as well.  But the truth is-- being sick sucks.

On Thursday night, while sitting in PTA I noticed the mystery rash reappearing and this time under my eye and down my cheek bone and on my chest.  I had been to the dermo on Monday for my next-to-the-last Accutane appointment and during my visit I mentioned that I thought it, the rash, might be coming back around my mouth area and the PA rolled out this medical term and said, if that was what it was, then I needed to come back in... for now she gave me a steriod cream to try.

So Friday morning I wake up with a giant red rash down my cheek bone and a chest full of tiny red bumps that itched ever-so slightly.  I also had a sore throat and a stopped up nose.  So I decided to call in sick.  I knew it would take a while to get an appointment with the dermo and a goods days rest would be good for the cold I was culturing in my body.

I got an appointment for 2:00pm.  I took a nap... watched TV... ate lunch in the privacy of my living room.  I got a shower and went to the appointment that took all of 5 minutes for her to prescribe an antibodic that I would take for the course of a month.

So, I leave the office-- and decide to run by work to take care of a little bit of paperwork.  I spend maybe an hour at work and then head out to the drug store.

The pharmacist, a distance relative that can be slighly inappropriate (he loves to yell out that the medicine your doctor gave you "may cause a yeast infection!"), informs me that he can't fill my prescription because I take Accutane.  And I'm like, what the hell?

He says, "If you take this prescription while you are on Accutane, it will cause your brain to swell."

And of course I don't want my brain to swell.  But doesn't it look like the doctor who prescribed my Accutane and prescribed me the antibodic would know that?  Maybe she wants my brain to swell!

I plan to have a conversation on Monday.  I would have had a conversation on Friday but the dermo's office closes at 4:30 and by the time I figured this all out, it was 4:45pm.  Thank goodness my family doctor called in another, much safer drug to help with my rash.

FYI: I still have the rash; I still have the cold... still waiting for Monday at 8:30 to let the dermo know that I'm less than impressed.