Lucky?...

I'm 90% positive that sometime in the near future I'm going to be doing IVF.  I'm scared... really scared.  The pain, the emotional drain, the financial drain... oh my goodness... the waiting.  I'm learning to hate waiting more than the shots... and I thought I'd never get over the shots.

Shots...  so far they are nothing.  IVF shots-- I'm sure they are much stronger and I hear that the progesterone shot is pretty awful.  My friend at work described it as "brutal."  But then this is the road we are on.  It goes with the territory.  I'm tough.

Then there is the money... and of course insurance doesn't cover it. I could get three boob jobs for what this will potentially cost and like with all the other thousands of dollars we've already sank into treatments-- there is no guarantee, although the odds of success is much, much higher.

Thank God for my parents who are willing and ready to jump in and help realize our dream.  Of course we'll be paying them back...

I'm trying to not be angry or upset.  Let me emphasize the "trying."  I had really hoped that we wouldn't get to this point... but the one thing I've learned through all this this year is life is not fair.  I've witnessed it in other people's lives but never so first hand in my own.  And I guess I'm lucky that in 29 years I'm just figuring this out.

On the bright side I've got a supportive husband who loves me and can make me laugh even when he is wielding a shot, a supportive family that is behind me 100% no matter what, and a great group of friends that are there for me even when I know the last thing they want to talk about is shots and follicles and sperm.

And I'm not so sure that if we weren't on this infertility-fertility road I'd ever know how good I've got it on the home front.

Something to ponder maybe while I go into this next cycle if my gut is correct?