In two weeks we go for our IVF consultation with my doctor. My gut was right. Being right all the time is such a burden... Soon there will be no turning back and part of me is excited and another part of me is scared to death. After the consultation with my doctor, the following week we will take part in an individualized Nurse Education meeting where we will get a step-by-step, day-by-day guide to "what to expect while you are trying to expect."
To be honest... I have no idea what to expect. Life is never what you think it is going to be. Lately I keep thinking back to a conversation I had with one of my co-workers a little over 4 years ago... maybe 5 years ago.
It was winter and I was in the middle of planning my wedding. She was just finishing her first and final IVF round after 7 years of treatment. I prayed like never before that this procedure would work. And it did. Twins! And I remember being so excited for her. I remember asking her questions all about the procedures and how she felt and I remember in the back of my mind thinking, "gosh, she is so lucky to have gone through IVF and gotten twins!"
At the time I could never have imagined wanting to actually carry children, more-less doing it more than once. I think it is so odd that I find myself in this position now. Life is never what you think it is going to be.
In the meantime I'm distracting myself with a new toy. I used some of my Christmas money from my grandmother to purchase a Shark Steam Mop this weekend. It is amazing and I recommend everyone go get one, especially if you have lots of hard surfaces like us! You apparently can use it on carpet and that will probably be the next thing I try out as we already have a high traffic spot in our room leading into our master bath. You'd think that we live in our bathroom!
Stay tuned for more IVF updates... some before's and after's concerning two chairs for my living room and who knows what else!
Monday, January 16, 2012
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Lucky?...
I'm 90% positive that sometime in the near future I'm going to be doing IVF. I'm scared... really scared. The pain, the emotional drain, the financial drain... oh my goodness... the waiting. I'm learning to hate waiting more than the shots... and I thought I'd never get over the shots.
Shots... so far they are nothing. IVF shots-- I'm sure they are much stronger and I hear that the progesterone shot is pretty awful. My friend at work described it as "brutal." But then this is the road we are on. It goes with the territory. I'm tough.
Then there is the money... and of course insurance doesn't cover it. I could get three boob jobs for what this will potentially cost and like with all the other thousands of dollars we've already sank into treatments-- there is no guarantee, although the odds of success is much, much higher.
Thank God for my parents who are willing and ready to jump in and help realize our dream. Of course we'll be paying them back...
I'm trying to not be angry or upset. Let me emphasize the "trying." I had really hoped that we wouldn't get to this point... but the one thing I've learned through all this this year is life is not fair. I've witnessed it in other people's lives but never so first hand in my own. And I guess I'm lucky that in 29 years I'm just figuring this out.
On the bright side I've got a supportive husband who loves me and can make me laugh even when he is wielding a shot, a supportive family that is behind me 100% no matter what, and a great group of friends that are there for me even when I know the last thing they want to talk about is shots and follicles and sperm.
And I'm not so sure that if we weren't on this infertility-fertility road I'd ever know how good I've got it on the home front.
Something to ponder maybe while I go into this next cycle if my gut is correct?
Shots... so far they are nothing. IVF shots-- I'm sure they are much stronger and I hear that the progesterone shot is pretty awful. My friend at work described it as "brutal." But then this is the road we are on. It goes with the territory. I'm tough.
Then there is the money... and of course insurance doesn't cover it. I could get three boob jobs for what this will potentially cost and like with all the other thousands of dollars we've already sank into treatments-- there is no guarantee, although the odds of success is much, much higher.
Thank God for my parents who are willing and ready to jump in and help realize our dream. Of course we'll be paying them back...
I'm trying to not be angry or upset. Let me emphasize the "trying." I had really hoped that we wouldn't get to this point... but the one thing I've learned through all this this year is life is not fair. I've witnessed it in other people's lives but never so first hand in my own. And I guess I'm lucky that in 29 years I'm just figuring this out.
On the bright side I've got a supportive husband who loves me and can make me laugh even when he is wielding a shot, a supportive family that is behind me 100% no matter what, and a great group of friends that are there for me even when I know the last thing they want to talk about is shots and follicles and sperm.
And I'm not so sure that if we weren't on this infertility-fertility road I'd ever know how good I've got it on the home front.
Something to ponder maybe while I go into this next cycle if my gut is correct?
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